Pornography Addiction Recovery: Making a difference is the key.
Making a Difference
“When I had purpose, I found the strength to resist porn”–Dale
When is this ever going to stop?
I felt a strong craving—an ache in the center of my chest—to view pornography.
I thought I had conquered it.
I’ll never forget the moment when I poured my soul out to God. I wept, repented and committed my life to God. It was a spiritual washing. I stopped.
But now, why am I feeling this way? Why do I want to look at porn? All the pain I’ve suffered, why am I even considering pornography.
A thought drifted into my mind: Out of sync.
What’s that suppose to mean?
I sat in front of my PC, pondering. A porn site hit my mind. My arm muscles tightened and my chest constricted. I clicked Internet Explore. Breathing became short and shallow. My computer went online.
Out of sync …
I pushed away from the desk and left the room.
Reasoning: In-Sync, cylinders firing … perfect timing.
Feeling the pull, the image of the porn site pushed back into my thoughts.
“God, what’s this about? How can I stop this?”
I went back to my room. My eyes lighted on the book. I turned to the Divine Purpose section. Reading what I had written about my life, I realized where my greatest joy came. This was the option I needed … to resist porn.
The feelings for porn diminished some.
I closed my eyes and relived a special time in my life where I was helping a small group of people. The incredible response I received. The joy I experienced. How it changed my view of who I am. Warm feelings started in the center of my chest, thanksgiving swept through me. I rejoiced for the gift God gave me.
Then, I contrasted the emotion of gratitude with the emotions associated with pornography. I imagined porn back in my life. I experienced feelings of severe loss.
It felt like mourning the death of a love one. I quickly shifted my thoughts back to gratitude.
The craving to view porn was gone. I went back to my PC. I clicked off of the internet.