Pornography: Having Sex or Blissful Love, Which One Stops Porn?

How to Overcome Pornography Addiction
What's Most Important to You?

“Overcoming pornography addiction becomes easy when you can answer this question: What’s most important to you? The answer reveals how extremely important overcoming pornography addiction becomes”–Richard Arthur.

“Pornography is what happens when a man insists on being energized by a woman; he uses her to get a feeling that he is a man.”[1]  —John Eldredge

When I started to write this post, I had writer’s block. I knew what I wanted to say. How to write it was entirely another matter. 

    Before bedtime I prayed, “God, how can I express my thoughts?”

    I wasn’t expecting what happened next. 

    When I went to bed, I felt a slight craving for porn. Wondering: That’s unusual.

    In the morning I woke up with an intense craving to view one particular porn site.

    The craving felt like a longing. No, it was more like a hunger than anything else.

    An ache spread from the center of my chest into my gut, and it wasn’t sexual.

    I longed for the emotion that causes warmth.

    I realized I wanted to visit the porn site, because I felt lonely.

    Consciously, I knew the porn site would never satisfy me. It didn’t when I was into pornography, so why would it now.

    Yet, the hunger persisted. 

    My body had a mind of its own. It was taking control.

    At 2a.m in the morning I immediately got out of bed. I went to the kitchen and made some coffee.

    The desire became more intense. Slightly trembling, I stood in the middle of the kitchen. Emptiness gnawed at my gut.

    Just great, I’m writing a book about pornography addiction. Floating into my mind: No one is immune to temptation.

    I resisted. 

    I leaned back against the counter, looking up at the ceiling; I prayed, “God, what’s happening? I don’t want this.”

    I remembered Last night’s prayer.

    “Okay God, what’s the answer. Make this feeling go away!”

    The feeling persisted.

    I got some coffee and went to my laptop. I turned it on.

    Waiting for it to boot up, images from the porn site entered my mind. My computer chimed. Instead of clicking onto the internet, I reached for a DVD on my desk. It is titled, In His Presence & Be Thou My Vision, a Moody video distributed by Questar, Inc.   

    I used the devotional video for inspirational music and scripture reading during morning prayers. I inserted it in my laptop. Scrolling through the chapter selections, I selected the title that moved me. The theme was to hope in God. The DVD helped; yet, the feelings from my past persisted.

    I got out Strong’s Concordance. I found a Psalm with hope in its text. I opened to Psalms 31:24. The verse helped. The intensity of the feelings subsided some. 

    That was unusual. I usually felt completely refreshed after reading a scripture.

    Then, I thought about this chapter. I looked at the clock. I was using up my writing time. A question hit my thoughts.

    Who is most important to you?

    I thought about Linda my wife. Unconditionally Love her.  Okay?  What’s that suppose to mean? …Caring for her without expectation or evaluation

    Warm feelings filled my chest in the area of the heart.   

    Interesting…. The craving for the porn site had gone.   

    Dr. Stephen Covey wrote, “When we truly love others without condition, without strings, we help them feel secure and safe and validated and affirmed in their essential worth, identity, and integrity. Their natural growth process is encouraged.”[2]

    Lesson for me: helping others is extremely important; but, my calling begins at home. More important, my love begins with Linda. If I show love to others, but I don’t give Linda unconditional love, I’m a hypocrite. I’m not qualified for success.

    When I got married, I thought my pornography problem was solved. Nope! It wasn’t.

    Gentlemen (Ladies), having sex with your spouse isn’t the answer. 

    Giving unconditional love to your soul mate is.

    Benefit: You Have Blissful Love in the Bedroom.

    I’ve been married for nearly 37 years. Sadly to say, I really didn’t understand the concept of unconditional love until recently. About 9 years ago, my wife developed a medical condition, preventing us from making love.  

   What I discovered about myself wasn’t very pleasant. I was a selfish lover. Making love was all about me, not about her pleasure.   

    No wonder she wasn’t excited about having sex. It wasn’t blissful for her.

    When Linda feels good about herself, I feel good. 

    Love making in the bedroom becomes blissful love; I cease to have cravings for pornography.

    Later, if I get a craving for porn, I do a mental check, rehearsing how I’ve been treating Linda. If I’ve acted okay with Linda, cravings are easily dismissed. If not, I make adjustments and determine to treat her better. I resist temptation by thinking of how much I love Linda (at the end of this chapter are exercises to prepare for temptation).  

    There isn’t anyone more important to me than Linda; not even my grandchildren.   

    I really sound noble, don’t I?

    The truth is that Linda frustrates me more than any one else in the world. We are so different I wonder how we were attracted to each other in the first place.

    Well, we were and that’s all that matters.


[1] John Eldredge, Wild at Heart, Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul. (Nashville; Nelson, 2001) p. 187.

[2] Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. (New York: Fireside, 1990) p. 199.

Published by: curepornaddiction

In the year 1971 I became a store manager at age 19. I discovered I had a gift for mentoring. I gave one on one coaching, instruction and teaching with ease. And, I loved it. However, I had a problem that held me back from achieving my full potential. I was addicted to porn. When I was going through my puberty years in life, I found pornography (adult magazines) in my Dad's closet. I was hooked. I had my ups and downs throughout my life: Ups, when I was off of porn and using my gift: and, Downs, when I was using porn. Porn captured my attention, holding me back. I found the secrets to breaking free from porn. Like anyone else, I have to work at keeping my emotions positive, every day, to stay free. Limiting emotions--fear, doubt, hate, lust, sloth, pride, any emotion that kills joy. Joy is the ultimate weapon against porn. You have it; porn loses its hold on you. I dedicate this blog to those who are looking for ways to end pornography in their life. To Your Peace, Power and Plenty, Dale P.S. The picture above is not me. The photo represents all families free from pornography.

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