Viewing pornography changed my feelings. I discovered different levels of sexual ecstasy. Experiencing sexual fantasy, a deep despair gripped my mind, emotions, and body. Reaching deeper levels, I fell into self-loathing. I then clicked onto another porn site. I slipped further into disgust. Was there any hope? I had lost meaning for life.
I sought help for my sexual addiction. My therapist advised me to get the book A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps by Patrick Carnes. He also suggested that I attend Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) meetings. I did both and started the 12 step program.
In his book, Carnes gives an illustration of how “heroes discover in their limitations, dramatic and unforeseen strengths” (1994, p. 15). I have had feelings that I could make a difference; however, my dark side (addiction) prevented me from connecting with others.
Attending SAA meetings, I admitted I was powerless over my sexual compulsiveness—that my life had become unmanageable. I found others at the meetings naturally helping me through my first step. Could these members be the heroes?
Carnes, P. (1994). A Gentle path through the twelve steps. Center City; MN: Hazelden Foundation.