If I felt a pull to go online and view pornography, I would substitute tasteful images of women. I told myself that I would only view pictures of the most beautiful women in the world. However, I spent more and more time online. I clicked onto Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. I thought: It was okay; I wasn’t looking at porn. I compulsively visited lingerie Web sites. Before I realized it, once more, I succumbed to pornography. The #1 indicator of sexual addiction: Compulsivity grows into an obsession.
I felt that I had gone through this cycle a thousand times; perhaps, I did. I kept asking God for help; yet, I sought answers from other sources; church leaders, motivational speakers, or life in general.
I had to ask myself, “Did I seek Him with my whole heart.”
Pondering the question for a long time, I had to answer no. I had asked the Higher Power of the universe for help; however, I did not wholly surrender my will.
Now, I feel the pain of sex addiction and experience the universal joys of love.