Hello, my name is Richard. My addiction became uncontrollable. I am a sex addict. I now attend sex addicts anonymous (SAA). I also receive help from a therapist specializing in sexual addiction. For this reason, I share my history with you in finding balance for my life.
I ask all the ladies who read this Blog to tell me how you feel so that we can help both men and women find balance for their lives. If you have personal stories that you think will help, thank you for sharing.
Sometimes, men have a difficult time developing and maintaining relationships.
Because I am a man, I view things from a man’s perspective. I need a woman’s point of view. I need your help.
Here are some of my real-life stories.
In my adolescent years, I was an attractive boy. I looked like my dad. He was extremely proud. In his eyes, I could do no wrong, and I would be a lady’s man. Why was this important to him?
Perhaps, it was because dad had porn magazines hidden in his bedroom. He had a sexual addiction. Because he allowed pornography to warp his values, unconsciously, he conditioned me to view girls as trophies.
Every time I got a date with a girl, I heard, “That a boy!” I readily took his praise as positive reinforcements. I then would seek more reinforcement. Why not, it boosted my self-esteem. Between 16 and 18 years old, I often dated two to three different girlfriends per week.
My sexual addiction began to mirror dad’s viewpoints. My focus controlled my behavior.
My addiction had its beginning at puberty. I had stumbled across pornography in my father’s closet. After several days of masturbation, viewing porn for countless hours, my body took on a mind of its own. Later, out and about, I became aroused with every skirt that flew my way. My addiction grew and grew and went everywhere I went. I became obsessed.
One day, scurrying through the hallways at my high school, I flirted with every girl that I could between classes.
A student stopped midway on the stairs, he said, “Richard, you’re a slut!”
The statement hit me hard. I immediately saw how everyone viewed me. However, I was hooked. I did not understand how to change.
Another ah-ha moment smacked me across the face. Many times, it is the pain that we experience in life that pushes us toward change and healing (Booth, 2009, p. 213). My first love (the only girl whom I had true feelings for) broke off our relationship. She said that I was too busy playing the field and did not care about her.
Beyond devastation, I was miserable. However, I could not feel her pain. I only thought of myself and how badly I felt. Because sexual addiction had mentally directed my behavior, I had many more sad and painful episodes to experience.
Much later in life, I sought treatment. I found a therapist specializing in sexual addictions, and I found SAA meetings for support. I am learning about my addiction and how to establish boundaries and maintain an active recovery.
I now have hope.
Booth, L. (2009). Say Yes to Your Sexual Healing; Daily Meditations for Overcoming Sex Addiction. p. 213. Deerfield Beach; FL: Health Communications.