The cup holds grief and balm in equal measures.
Light, darkness. Who drinks from it must change.
“My addiction hurts a lot!”
As a recovering sex addict, I understand how it feels to try and try again.
I remember all the times I relapsed; how I felt about myself.
Feelings, I am a pervert; yet, one more time, I’d click onto another pornography site.
I’d then find the balm; I wept before God. I challenged myself to change.
The turnaround did not come over night.
I had more relapses to suffer; however, I did not lose hope.
Eventually, I found a therapist who could guide me.
I found a SAA meeting with other sex addicts–nearly everyone in the group was addicted to porn.
Now, I realize that, for me, being in recovery means to go to all lengths to heal.
I know I can do it.
Though I have been sober for nearly a year, I still consider myself a sex addict.
For 50 years, I conditioned my brain and body to respond to abusive sexual stimuli.
Now, I can say no and go on with life, using balm every day to heal my emotional life.
O God: for in thee do I put my trust.
2 O my soul, thou hast said unto the Lord, Thou art my Lord: my goodness extendeth not to thee;
3 But to the saints that are in the earth, and to the excellent, in whom is all my delight.
4 Their sorrows shall be multiplied that hasten after another god: their drink offerings of blood will I not offer, nor take up their names into my lips.
5 The Lord is the portion of mine inheritance and of my cup: thou maintainest my lot.
6 The lines are fallen unto me in pleasant places; yea, I have a goodly heritage.
7 I will bless the Lord, who hath given me counsel: my reins also instruct me in the night seasons.
8 I have set the Lord always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.
9 Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope.
10 For thou wilt not leave my soul in hell; neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see corruption.
11 Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.
Williamson, P. & Kiser, S. (1989, October). May Sarton Quote; January 15. Answers in the Heart. Hazelden Meditations