The Agonizing Truth about Pornography Addiction

The cup holds grief and balm in equal measures.

Light, darkness. Who drinks from it must change.

–May Sarton

“My addiction hurts a lot!”

As a recovering sex addict, I understand how it feels to try and try again.

The grief!

I remember all the times I relapsed; how I felt about myself.

Feelings, I am a pervert; yet, one more time, I’d click onto another pornography site.

I’d then find the balm; I wept before God. I challenged myself to change.

The turnaround did not come over night.

I had more relapses to suffer; however, I did not lose hope.

Eventually, I found a therapist who could guide me.

I found a SAA meeting with other sex addicts–nearly everyone in the group was addicted to porn.

Now, I realize that, for me, being in recovery means to go to all lengths to heal.

I know I can do it.

Though I have been sober for nearly a year, I still consider myself a sex addict.

For 50 years, I conditioned my brain and body to respond to abusive sexual stimuli.

Now, I can say no and go on with life, using balm every day to heal my emotional life.

Thanks,

Dale

Meditation

Psalm 16

O God: for in thee do I put my trust.

² O my soul, thou hast said unto the Lord, Thou art my Lord: my goodness extendeth not to thee;

³ But to the saints that are in the earth, and to the excellent, in whom is all my delight.

⁴ Their sorrows shall be multiplied that hasten after another god: their drink offerings of blood will I not offer, nor take up their names into my lips.

⁵ The Lord is the portion of mine inheritance and of my cup: thou maintainest my lot.

⁶ The lines are fallen unto me in pleasant places; yea, I have a goodly heritage.

⁷ I will bless the Lord, who hath given me counsel: my reins also instruct me in the night seasons.

⁸ I have set the Lord always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.

⁹ Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope.

¹⁰ For thou wilt not leave my soul in hell; neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see corruption.

¹¹ Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

Reference

Williamson, P. & Kiser, S. (1989, October). May Sarton Quote; January 15. Answers in the Heart. Hazelden Meditations