Pornography: Not an Intimate Friend but a Devastating Enemy

The Flip Flop Stages of Pornography

I was going through a stage when I intimately depended on pornography.

Looking back on the this particular time, I realize that I was in  emotional states of depression, anxiety, stress, need, and confusion.

It is not important that you know what types of porn sites that I visited.

It is not important what sites gave me reprieve from the pain that I felt.

It is not important that you know what caused my pain.

All that is important is that pornography gave me an escape.  I hungered for the comfort that it gave me.  However, porn was a false security.

After feelings of comfort wore off, I became horribly upset with my indecent behavior.  I objectified women and men until it became rather obvious what I was doing.  I thought: I can’t hide my secret. I am undressing people in real life.  I continued in hiding.

Arrogantly viewing and masturbating to pornography blurred my decision making in the workplace, family, and social settings.  I was narcissistic.  I cognitively worked out problems with my lopsided point of view.  I lost business and friends and hurt family members’ trust.

My emotional states of depression, anxiety, stress, need, and confusion came back with a severity of intense emotional pain.  I needed more porn to comfort myself so I went online.

However, I no longer felt comfort but hopelessness. Pornography had become my enemy.  I knew that I had to change.

I found a therapist.  He recommended checking out SAA meetings and continue therapy.  I went to a group meeting.

I have been in therapy for three years.  I need someone to talk to so I am willing to pay for it!

Now, I have had 16 months of sobriety.  I enjoy caring relationships from associates, friends, therapist, group members, family, and God.  I have lasting comfort.

Meditation

Plea for Relief from Bitter Foes 

Psalm 120

With gratitude,

Dale Criswell