Masturbation: Caught! The Shame That Scares You

I knew I was going to hell

if I continued to masturbate.

I continued!


A teacher once said people do what they want to do (Booth, 2009, p. 30).

Actually, masturbation is not wrong. It brings comfort for many.

Yet, for me, because I associated masturbation with pornography, masturbating triggered cravings for porn. It became a vicious cycle.

I kept pornography a secret for about 44 years, and then it happened.  I was caught.

In 1997, I worked a sales territory for a material handling company.  The branch/office  sold and serviced forklifts.

My responsibility was to sell new and used forklifts.

After being on the road all day, I headed back to the office.  An adult book store was on the way.  I had passed it a thousand times, but, that time, I turned into the drive and went inside.

When I got back to the office, I discovered that a road mechanic saw me.  Everyone at the shop and office knew.  I was exposed.

My branch manager skillfully told me to be faithful to my wife.

I was ashamed.

My spouse had not known about my porn addiction.

Seventeen years later, I began to attend SAA meetings.

In step 5 of the 12-step program, it says,

Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs (SAA, 2012).

Last month, I told my wife that I was attending SAA meetings and had a problem with pornography.

I am grateful for her.  She continues to love me as she always has.  She has seen a change in my temperament.

I am experiencing a new freedom that I have not felt since I was a child.




Psalm 141 King James Version (KJV) public domain

141 Lord, I cry unto thee: make haste unto me; give ear unto my voice, when I cry unto thee.

Let my prayer be set forth before thee as incense; and the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice.

Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips.

Incline not my heart to any evil thing, to practise wicked works with men that work iniquity: and let me not eat of their dainties.


Booth, L. (2009). Say yes to your sexual healing; daily meditations for sex addiction. Deerfield Beech; FL: Health Communications. Retrieve from

Sex  Addicts Anonymous (SAA). (2012). (1st ed./1). Retrieve from http://saa-recovery.

Published by: curepornaddiction

In the year 1971 I became a store manager at age 19. I discovered I had a gift for mentoring. I gave one on one coaching, instruction and teaching with ease. And, I loved it. However, I had a problem that held me back from achieving my full potential. I was addicted to porn. When I was going through my puberty years in life, I found pornography (adult magazines) in my Dad's closet. I was hooked. I had my ups and downs throughout my life: Ups, when I was off of porn and using my gift: and, Downs, when I was using porn. Porn captured my attention, holding me back. I found the secrets to breaking free from porn. Like anyone else, I have to work at keeping my emotions positive, every day, to stay free. Limiting emotions--fear, doubt, hate, lust, sloth, pride, any emotion that kills joy. Joy is the ultimate weapon against porn. You have it; porn loses its hold on you. I dedicate this blog to those who are looking for ways to end pornography in their life. To Your Peace, Power and Plenty, Dale P.S. The picture above is not me. The photo represents all families free from pornography.

Categories 12 Step Recovery, Masturbation, Overcoming Pornography AddictionTags, , , , , 2 Comments

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