Pornography: Blissful Striptease Sites Pulled Me in, every time; Losing the Meaning of Life, I considered….

When are the cravings for porn ever going to stop?

I felt a strong craving—an ache in the center of my lower abdomen—to view pornography.

I thought I had conquered it.

I’ll never forget the moment when I poured my soul out to God.

But now, why am I feeling this way? Why do I want to look at porn? All the pain that I suffered, why am I now even considering pornography.

A thought drifted into my mind: Out of sync.

What’s that suppose to mean?

    I sat in front of my PC, pondering.  A porn site hit my mind; My favorite striptease site came to me.  My arm muscles tightened and my gut constricted.  I kept going until I clicked online.  Breathing became short and shallow.  My computer navigated to the site.  I became aroused.  I hit a high.

Out of sync … NO, I cannot do this. I stopped myself from masturbating.

I pushed away from the desk and left the room.

Reasoning: In-Sync, all cylinders firing … perfect timing.

Feeling the pull, the image of the porn site pushed back into my thoughts.

“God, what’s this about? How can I stop this?”  An answer drifted into my thoughts.

Not focusing on life’s purpose, any pleasure will do, especially, porn.

I went back to my room.  My eyes lighted on my book.  I turned to the divine purpose section. Reading what I had written about my life, I realized where my greatest joy came.  The options were either resist porn and not pursue my purpose; or resist and stay on the path of my life-purpose.

The feelings for porn diminished some.

I closed my eyes and relived special times in my life where I was helping a small group of people. The incredible response I received.  The joy I experienced.  How it changed my view of who I am.  A warm feeling started in the center of my chest, gratitude swept through me.  I rejoiced for the gift God gave me.

Then, I contrasted the emotion of gratitude with the emotions associated with pornography.  I  imagined porn back in my life. I experienced feelings of severe loss.

It felt like I was mourning the death of a love one.  I quickly shifted my thoughts back to gratitude.

The craving to view porn was gone.  I went back to my PC.  I clicked off of the internet.

…Then, inspiration stirred me: my greatest weapon against pornography was joy.  Making a difference in someone’s life made a contribution in my own life.

   Pornography Addiction Recovery Is

Purpose Centered Recovery;

Making a Difference Keeps It Alive!

To Your Peace,

Dale