When are the cravings for porn ever going to stop?
I felt a strong craving—an ache in the center of my lower abdomen—to view pornography.
I thought I had conquered it.
I’ll never forget the moment when I poured my soul out to God.
But now, why am I feeling this way? Why do I want to look at porn? All the pain that I suffered, why am I now even considering pornography.
A thought drifted into my mind: Out of sync.
What’s that suppose to mean?
I sat in front of my PC, pondering. A porn site hit my mind; My favorite striptease site came to me. My arm muscles tightened and my gut constricted. I kept going until I clicked online. Breathing became short and shallow. My computer navigated to the site. I became aroused. I hit a high.
Out of sync … NO, I cannot do this. I stopped myself from masturbating.
I pushed away from the desk and left the room.
Reasoning: In-Sync, all cylinders firing … perfect timing.
Feeling the pull, the image of the porn site pushed back into my thoughts.
“God, what’s this about? How can I stop this?” An answer drifted into my thoughts.
Not focusing on life’s purpose, any pleasure will do, especially, porn.
I went back to my room. My eyes lighted on my book. I turned to the divine purpose section. Reading what I had written about my life, I realized where my greatest joy came. The options were either resist porn and not pursue my purpose; or resist and stay on the path of my life-purpose.
The feelings for porn diminished some.
I closed my eyes and relived special times in my life where I was helping a small group of people. The incredible response I received. The joy I experienced. How it changed my view of who I am. A warm feeling started in the center of my chest, gratitude swept through me. I rejoiced for the gift God gave me.
Then, I contrasted the emotion of gratitude with the emotions associated with pornography. I imagined porn back in my life. I experienced feelings of severe loss.
It felt like I was mourning the death of a love one. I quickly shifted my thoughts back to gratitude.
The craving to view porn was gone. I went back to my PC. I clicked off of the internet.
…Then, inspiration stirred me: my greatest weapon against pornography was joy. Making a difference in someone’s life made a contribution in my own life.
Pornography Addiction Recovery Is
Purpose Centered Recovery;
Making a Difference Keeps It Alive!
To Your Peace,